Monday, December 21, 2015

The Flameshoveler

I have never lived in a truly cold environment. One time it snowed at my house for three days and that was about it. However, during the winter season I see numerous PSA's and news stories about snow storms and the nightmare of having to shovel snow off of your driveway. Many people complain of back problems, time constraints and over-all fatigue due to shoveling snow.  I might have a solution to the snow shoveling situation.

Just stop. Seriously. Just buy a flamethrower and torch the shit outta that snow. Make the snow your winter time bitch! I found this on Amazon for $300.

This bad boy can reach temperatures of 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. You could just flame your driveway in under 10 seconds flat with this mechanical dragon.

Back pain? Torch it! Fatigue? Torch it! No time? Torch it! Torch your way to the clearest driveway in the neighborhood!

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Adult Coloring Books

As many of you know, Christmas is upon us. It is a time for giving, sharing and kindness to all mankind. For me, Christmas is a time to buy me all the things because I am dangerously low on THINGS.

I asked my husband for one of those 'adult coloring books'. In these books, grown-ups can fill in intricate designs with beautiful and delicate colored pencils. Many different design styles are represented in these books such as Art Nouveau, Mandala, Kaleidoscopes and Panoramic Nature Scenes. My husband was shocked by this Christmas request. He assumed that when the word 'adult' is placed before any noun that that person, place, thing or idea is covered in dicks. I would rather not color-in phallic images for Christmas much to my husbands dismay.

"Erotic Coloring Books" would be a great name for my spouses book business. This way, you know that the images are going to be EROTIC, instead of, books meant for adults to color in trippy designs. Titles will include:
"A study on Boobs"
"Mammory Mazes"
"Dicks, Design and Drafting"
"A Penis for your Thoughts"
"Calming Cleavage"
"Taste the Rainbow"

To be sold in ADULT book stores across North America.