Have you ever wondered why the 'news' talks about people like Jennifer Aniston or George Clooney? You think to yourself, "What was the last good movie these people were in? Why are they still relevant?" The answer is, they are not. They are not still relevant. Here is what these people have been doing for the past 10 years. They have been starring in multi-million dollar ad campaigns over-seas. Why spend 10 months of your life struggling to film a picture that perhaps no one will like, when you can fly on a private jet to Myanmar, and get paid $1 million to hold a fancy pen for 30 minutes. It's not rocket science. Just simple math. Don't act like you wouldn't do it either. If someone said to me, "Hey, you wanna hold this pen for a million dollars? Can you make it look sexy?" If someone said that to me, I would hold the fuck out of that pen....I would make sweet...well, I don't think you want to know how far I am willing to go so, I will just leave it at that....for now.
I have been traveling on planes a lot recently and I have noticed a Hugh Jackman ad for pens and watches in every in-flight magazine from Scandinavia to Greece. So, I have devised a game that will really make the time fly and I am curious to hear your responses. Underneath every ad I have included a quote or what I think Hugh is saying and/or thinking at that exact moment. Try it yourself! It's like mad-libs but with pictures of celebrities selling stupid shit that no one needs.
Help me. I have been locked in this mid-century, modern office for weeks now. I can't remember the smell of my wife's hair after a shower, or the laughter of my children on a Saturday morning. What day is it? Has society fallen? P.S. Don't tell me how The Walking Dead ends...I want to be surprised.
I'm telling you, time is just a construct of human perception on the passing of immaterial societal events. It's an illusion just like this David Blaine show that we are about to watch.
Do you know what death smells like? I do. It smells like fear, rejection and regret. As a soldier of fortune, I have killed far too many nameless men with the stroke of this pen...through their jugulars.
If you are reading this then it's already too late. Either I am stuck inside that snowed-in hotel from the Shining or I have gone totally banana balls and lost my freaking mind. Can you see the 1920's prohibition era dancers behind me or is it all a figment of my twisted mind? Redrum...redrum...
Ok, now it's your turn. Post some quotes or upload your own celebrity ad with an original quote. This needs to be included in college level writing prompts. The possibilities are endless just like time and the fountain of ebony ink flowing from my over-priced, gold in-laid pen.
