Friday, December 30, 2011

Crime Doesn't Sleep...ever?

When I was a kid Wal-Mart was not a 24 hour store. Well, a few of them were but they were the 'ghetto' ones that you didn't bring your family to. Something about staying open after the hour of 10pm will turn your store into a crime scene...or a pumpkin. This isn't just Wal-Marts either. This rule also applies to Seven-Elevens, McDonald's parking lots and adult video stores. Bars need not apply because there is alcohol involved, which can turn anyone 'ghetto' at any hour of the me; I'm an unemployed, childless housewife who loves red wine. It's five o'clock somewhere right? Anyways, I just don't understand this? It's like only people who should be on the TV show Maury shop after hours? Doctors work odd hours of the night too and so do pilots and community college adjucnt professors. All reputable professions although the jury is still out on the latter. Don't these upstanding citizens require a 50 piece chicken mcnugget from McDonald's at 1 in the morning after a long shift? Or, what about buying NASCAR themed twin-bed sheets at 3am just because you can? And, let's be honest here, everybody watches porn. That's right, your doctor watches porn; your Southwest airlines pilot watches porn (hopefully, not while on duty)and some community college professors show things to their class that is far more disturbing than porn.

Maybe all these people have assistants that go to after-hours stores for them so that we (the ghetto people) never see them outside of their professions. Or maybe the real 'go-getters' of society are criminals. Working till the wee hours of the morning; honing their craft. I mean, those drugs aren't going to sell themselves now are they? Either way, I am going to continue shopping at Wal-Mart and getting gas at 2 am and not because I'm 'ghetto' but because I am a go-getter! Someone has to show all those Doctors and police officers what 'real' dedication to a craft is.

Of all the dangerous places that I have been to in this world, South Africa, Mexico, Honduras, Brazil, Bosnia, Jamaica; the only place that I have ever actually witnessed a shooting was in Texas at a gas station at 2:30 in the morning.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


So, I thought I had a totally original idea and to a certain extent I do. No one has yet to actually "make" PopeTarts but there are some images that people have made. My PopeTarts, however, would be in the shape of the Pope's hat, scepter and Pope mobile. They would have to be heated in a toaster oven because they might not fit in a traditional toaster. They go great with holy water or mother's milk. They are especially delicious after a confessional. I think I should pitch this idea to the local archdioses.

Don't have time for breakfast? No problem. Popetarts! Don't have time to pray? Popetarts to the spiritual and nutritional rescue!

"They're religious and nutritious!"