Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Economicon

Dear Financial Crisis,
So, I can't get approved for a low-interest $2,000 personal loan but I can get approved for a high-interest credit card with a $13,000 limit? Oh, wait; I see what you did there. Thanks.

-Sincerely, Disgruntled (soon to be bankrupt) Consumer

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Greeting Card MANIA!

Once upon a time, a simple time; one could walk into a Walgreen's and purchase a birthday, holiday, or special occasion greeting card. This card could be humorous, sensitive or just stated the facts and I think everyone loved the "blank inside" cards the most. And, the most expensive card one could find would cost about $3 and was probably the tri-fold card with glitter all over it. But, alas, those days are over.

Gone are the days of simple statements such as, "I love you.", or, "Happy 30th grandma." Nope, now we need to tell people happy birthday with a Beatles song screeching out of a card that also extends to the length of a full size guitar and can be played as one. This card costs $12. Or, we might choose a card that is a "pop-out" and turns into a birthday cake. This card weighs 1/4 of a pound and requires extra postage. There are also cards that are scratch and sniff, or have googly eyes attached to it, or turn into an origami butterfly that can also be used as a kite, or cards that are shaped to be a money holders, or a card that can tell me my future by witchcraft.

I love receiving cards in the mail because it is always a happy surprise; but good LORD don't spend $12 on my card...just give me $12...because I am a selfish, selfish person.

Friday, March 9, 2012

My Fridge Requires a Password?

Passwords, usernames, logins. Can I just say WHAT THE F*CK! I understand that I would need a password and username for things like my bank account because they need to stay secure; however I kind of wish someone wooould steal my identity because all they would be able to steal from me would be my student loan debt and then I could finally change my name to Consuela and move to Argentina. But even with my bank, after I have given them the incorrect password because I can't keep my 1,576 passwords straight, they still have the balls to ask me my security questions, which I ace, but they still won't let me view my account? Why ask the stupid security questions? Why even have security questions if they aren't actually used for anything?

What's even dumber is the fact that I need a username and password for my church's website and for Habitat for Humanity? This is actually keeping people from helping others because, good Samaritans like myself, can't remember their passwords and therefore can't sign up for work projects. It literally makes no sense. I need a password and username for the SPCA, for my doctor's office, for my cell phone carrier, for Pinterest, for Dog Fancy Magazine online, for, for Are you kidding me with this?

My fear is that someday I will need a login just to get into my car or worse still my refrigerator.