Sunday, October 28, 2012

Things That Go Poop In The Night

When we were children, we thought as children and played as children but as adults we must put away childish things. In reality, I wish we could all just stay as children forever. Don't get me wrong, children have lots of problems but they change as we get older. As a child I had nightmares almost every night of being torn to bits by Freddy Krueger; now my nightmares consist of me giving birth to twins and being audited.  Can I go back to the Freddy Krueger dreams? They were a lot less terrifying.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The Perfect Pet

Dogs are great but they require a lot of attention. Cats are terrible for numerous reasons but at least they don't require a lot of affection so they are the perfect 'vacation pet'. Lizards, birds and fish are pretty much only good to look at. Basically, I don't understand anyone who buys a reptile or fowl. It's like hey, why don't you just buy a pretty picture? It also looks cool but won't poop, bite or die.

 Let me tell you about the pet that has all the good qualities of all of these animals combined. The sloth! It is cool to look at. It doesn't require any real attention. But, when you are in a cuddly mood, the sloth will gently hug you while blessing you with its simple smile. It can live in an apartment or a large house. You can just leave it hanging on your shower rod! It is great with kids and adults. You can feed it nuts, dried fruit or fresh fruits and berries. Sloths don't really shed that much at all and they don't make any noise. Now, set your face to stun for the best part...the sloth...only...poops...every...two weeks at the exact same time; in the exact same place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect 'vacation pet'-check.

 My new business model will be selling designer sloths to celebrities. They can hang off their arms on the red carpet...fabulous/adorable.