Friday, August 6, 2010

Weddings and tradition (Music)

So, apparently I'm getting married? (Hurrah!) I really want to have a reality show based on my wedding exploits however, it wouldn't be a very good show because I don't go on enough "tyraids". So, I thought I would start one here in hopes of becoming a BRAVO/TLC/Style Network bitch of the moment mega star!

This tyraid is on traditional wedding music. I thought that building a family was about STARTING traditions. Apparently not. Let me esplain. Me and my fiance have already picked out a church. At said church I am only allowed to use their organist and I can also only use sacred or classical music for the actual ceremony. When I protested, I was told that these were my only musical choices because a marriage ceremony is actually a "worship service". What?! Look, I love tiny baby Jesus as much as the next guy but common! I highly doubt anyone is going to be getting "saved" at my wedding. However, since it is apparently a "worship service" I am now demanding a full-on gospel choir with the congregation singing and worshiping with hands raised to the heavens thru cries of jubilation. I also require someone to speak in tongues during the exchanging of vows, just to shake it up a bit during the boring parts. Something tells me this will make the old ladies at this church even angrier than my original "tame" request to have Billy Idol's White Wedding played as I walked down the aisle after the ceremony.

The other choice, classical music, makes even less sense. I can't have the Bowie but I can have Bach's Toccata and Fugue??!! I literally asked the church's wedding organizer this question and she said yes. (that's the funny part) For those of you who don't know, this Bach piece is the one that is most often associated with vampire films and the occult. Bach was a protestant, so I know this was not his original intent for this piece of music, but either way that is what it has become. So, now I can have vampire music as I walk down the aisle but Idol is right out. I wonder if Billy Idol knows that his music is more sacreligious than actual vampire music? Someone should contact him.

Tyraid, over. Look for more wedding tyraids in the weeks to come! Stay tuned!

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