Saturday, June 9, 2012

How To Survive an Alien Apocalypse...

...Be a chubster. There are no chubby/fat people in any science fiction movies...ever. Therefore, the only people who die/give live birth to extraterrestrial offspring via unwanted interior cesarean are "Kate Moss" level skinny people. Examples. Sigourney Weaver (Ripley-Alien), Natalie Portman (Star Wars), any given Star Trek character, Robots in Blade Runner, Total Recall, The Fifth Element, Event Horizon, Predator, Independence Day, Battleship, Starship Troopers, the list goes on and on and basically the skinny people die but some of them live as well. Either way, you never see any fat people in sci-fi; therefore, nothing extraordinary happens to them, good or bad. As much as I would love to be "Kate Moss" skinny I enjoy being alive without an alien popping out of my chest much more. So I say, "F*ck you aliens as I eat this entire bag of cheetos!" Also, our star-born brethren usually have some terrestrial weaknesses such as disease (War of the Worlds), water (Signs), sunlight (Battleship)but perhaps their true weakness is cellulite. If aliens ever strike, the fatties will reign supreme and have to repopulate the earth...just more cushion for the pushin'.

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