Sunday, September 4, 2016

Rage Shopping

BUY ALL THE THINGS!!!!!

People deal with stress in different ways. Some over-eat, some under-eat or bite their fingernails. Others get ulcers, a rash or pull their own hair out. I can't say that I have never suffered from any of the aforementioned afflictions but right now my biggest stress reducer is rage shopping.

 In order to rage shop, first, work yourself into a rage over work, family, friends or the obscene cost of nail polish nowadays (I'm looking right at you Butter London) then blindly log onto Amazon.com and purchase bullshit until the stress is alleviated. A few items that have helped to relieve my stress have been a giant inflatable pool unicorn, earrings shaped like lips and every movie Chris Hemsworth has ever starred in, no matter how shitty that movie was. Typically, the more asinine the object, the greater powers of healing it holds over your unchecked rage/stress. Turning on really loud heavy metal music while online shopping also helps to 'break' the rage. Much like a high fever a good rage needs to be broken with high intensity rock music and the bleeding of your bank account into the pockets of whoever works for Amazon.

 Beware, do NOT buy things that you actually need. For some reason that will only make you angrier and more stressed out. I can't tell you the science behind this but I do know that it exists.

How do you deal with stress? Seriously, I need to know. I just purchased a mug that says, 'Adios Bitchachos'. I can't go to bankruptcy court and explain to the judge that, 'Your Honor, you see, I was in a deep rage and I NEEEDED this mug that said Adios Bitchachos....for therapeutic reasons....Your Honor." See, I can already tell, that's not gonna go well...and it's stressing me out.


4 comments:

  1. Who among us hasn't rage shopped? It's almost as good as menu revenge.

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  2. Thank you I will now be buying said mug ❤️

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  3. I think "rage shopping" is the best term for what I do. Thanks for naming it.

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  4. There is a chance you're qualified for a complimentary $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.

    ReplyDelete