Saturday, February 4, 2017

Are Tears a Carb?

I gotta be honest. After all my feminist rants, I will say this, that when it comes to fitness men definitely have it the worst. Now, I'm not talking about height, boobs, eye color or other things about your body that you cannot change. I am strictly talking about fitness level here. Women just have to be thin and that's about it. We aren't really expected to be cut or 'shredded'. Hell, just look at the actress who is playing Wonder Woman in the up-coming DC film. She looks like she could be blown over by a strong fart. Like, don't eat Taco Bell around this lady, it might blow her straight to the land of OZ. This actress also loves to tout her time in the Israeli military. However, keep in mind that military service (for both genders) is compulsory in Israel, so, big whoop lady. This woman is tall and thin so she gets to be Wonder Woman. Her training probably consisted of only eating salads and drinking her own tears. Oh wait, are tears a carb?

On the other hand, it's not good enough for men to be at a healthy body weight but they must also be in the shape of people who are quite literally inhuman. Male body goals are mythical gods, mutants, aliens, cyborgs and chimeras. Doesn't really seem fair. Just look at this magazine cover. Side note, I can't quite seem to escape the omnipresent marketing powerhouse that is Hugh Jackman. Ok, so not only do men need to be 'shredded' but now they need blades coming out of their hands?! How many bicep curls do you have to do before you start seeing blade gains? Is there some supplement out there that will boost my bodies natural levels of adamantium? Does Colonel Stryker own a gym?

I'm really sorry men. This isn't fair. Just know that showing off your pudgy bodies with bladeless hands is equally as brave as me showing off my cellulite at the beach. You are beautiful. You are perfect. Most girls aren't even into retractable blade hands anymore. So, don't sweat it.


  1. It's interesting though, isn't it - the pressure from female fashion and beauty magazines is on women to look good for other women. I wonder if you can say the same thing about mens magazines ?

    Good to know that at least SOMEBODY out there also things its a load of rubbish though :)

    1. Good question Jonathan. Women are definitely out to impress other women and I have no clue who men aim to please? Maybe Professor X? Can't let that guy down.