It's about time adults take back Halloween. I have lived through elementary school, middle school, high school and even college. Did I learn anything? NO. The point is, that I had to suffer a childhood. I came out the other side as an adult. If I wanna dress as a slutty Incredible Hulk, well then, dammit that's what I'm gonna wear! No one can make me go to bed! Except for the 5 Xanax that I just ingested! No one can take away my rated-R horror movies! Except for Netflix, because I forgot to pay my bill. No one can take away my candy! Except for my husband because he says too much sugar turns me into a super She-Hulk but what does he know?! No one can take away my witches brew! Except for the police...they said it caused a "Disturbance" last year. I've got your "Disturbance" right here, officer! No, no I don't. I apologize, officer.
This year, as I turn 30 years old, I will reflect on Halloweens long past. I will remember the all night long horror movie marathons, the candy induced hallucinations, getting so krunk that I turned Hulk then Bruce Banner and then Hulk AGAIN. I will recall covering my neighbors' homes with toilet paper for no apparent reason, watching someone dressed as Sarah Palin make-out with the entire band KISS, seeing a grown man shave his legs so that he would be a "more convincing Margaret Thatcher". Halloween is a truly magical holiday and I look forward to the next 30 years of mischief, guys in drag, krunktastic witches brew, terrible horror movies and candy...oh, the candy.