Saturday, July 16, 2016

Fall-Guy Model

Life is too short not to wear crop tops. I finally purchased a crop top for the summer and I had to buy it in the 'Juniors' section of my local department store which immediately tells me that I am too old for such half-shirts but I just don't friggin' care ya'll. It's hot outside and this top is SUPER CUTE! Also, wearing a short shirt is a real ab work out, like, you gotta suck it in at all times. Whew! So, for that reason, I consider all crop tops to be athletic wear.

My husband was also very eager to jump on this trend, and by "very eager" I mean, I forced him to ruin one of his shirts for the comedic purposes of this demented blog. You know how there are certain 'types' of models? Runway models, athletic models, plus-size models and on and on goes this list of categorizing the human form. I think there should be a new category for models who are willing to do anything and look stupid doing it. Like, purposefully dumb. No one else is willing to look this dumb. We could call them 'Fall-Guy Models'. We all need a good fall-guy once in a while, someone who is willing to do the asinine.

I think my husband would be a great 'Fall-Guy Model' and not because he's stupid but rather because he truly believes that he looks fucking amazing in any form, wearing almost anything, while performing the stupidest of actions. I have never seen him embarrassed by anything. If you have ever seen the men's fashion at Zara then you know exactly what I am talking about. Who, in his right mind, would wear this crap? Let alone model it? Have you ever overheard a man say, "Hmmm, this button-down is great and all but it could really be improved by a graphic, detailing hordes of flamingos wearing sunglasses and drinking mai tais....also, pink glitter thread and gold buttons." No, you have never heard a man say that. What I am trying to say here is that Zara should hire my spouse as a 'Fall-Guy Model' for their men's spring collection. Sadly, Zara does not tailor clothes for the 6'3" dad bod but only the 5'3" Elvin hipster.

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