Thursday, February 13, 2014
I Don't Know What Is Real Anymore!
Christmas: No one actually knows when Christ was born. The date was stolen from pagan winter solstice traditions. Celebrating it is not even mentioned in the Bible or as a major tenant of the Christian faith. Today we eat candy and ask for gifts that we can't afford nor deserve.
Halloween: Pagan and Christian roots. All Hallows Eve was meant to commemorate the glorious dead such as Saints. Today we eat candy while dressed as whores and Captain Kirk.
Easter: Has roots in Judaism. This holiday takes place during Passover and even employs some of the feasting traditions. The date chosen for Easter also has some pagan roots. News flash, today we eat shit tons of candy and play with bunnies.
Thanksgiving: Two cultures came together to help each other and then celebrated with a feast from their productive harvest. Today the only "culture" we want at our dinner table is our own family and even that is a bother. "Why do I have to press 2 for English? !'Merica!!". We eat a shit ton of food and talk about how much more we are going to eat on Christmas.
Valentine's Day: Saint Valentine of Rome performed weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians. Today we eat a (shocker) shiiiit ton of candy and make-out with each other.
You don't have to like Valentine's Day but you can't deny that it is in fact "real". God knows that the 10 pounds of V-Day candy I just ate is real...too real.