Thursday, November 13, 2014

Baby Zagat

Last year I heard an interesting medical study about young children. Medical science could not understand why most children are such picky eaters and why their tastes change and become much broader with age. Almost all children have this disability. The study claimed that the reason might be evolutionary in nature. Perhaps, these rather narrow food choices were merely a defense mechanism. Don't eat what you are not familiar with in order to be safe. Young children are very unsure about the world around them and they need to step lightly until they learn with age.

This cannot be true and here is why. Many U.S. children live off of a very steady diet of chicken nuggets and cheese pizza because they REFUSE to eat anything else. They give in to tantrums and even self-induced vomiting when faced with any other food possibilities. And yet, they have no problem putting dirt, Legos, bugs, toenail clippings, play-doh, used lipstick or any other foul floor flotsam in their mouths. What gives babies?! A green bean will make you vomit but used doll hair at the doctor's office waiting room is totally acceptable? Do you prefer blonde or brunette? Ah yes, a well-aged 2001 limited edition Dr. Barbie with only 12 previous owners, what a refined palette you have good sir! Might I suggest a light and crisp 6 day old apple juice with chunks of back-wash bread delicately suspended within this superb vintage. I believe it would pair nicely with your doll hair entree. Please try the Crisp Merlot Chewing Gum as a sweet finish to your meal. Dessert is served al fresco, gently dangling and teasing your taste buds from underneath this antiqued school desk.

Seriously babies, eat a green bean. How did WE outlive the dinosaurs? God knows there weren't any chicken nuggets or cheese pizza back then. There definitely wasn't any doll hair.