Sunday, November 9, 2014

Cat Infestation (Part Deux)

These lazy, asshole, freeloading cats!!! A few days ago I saw a mouse scurry across my living room floor. I have never had a mouse in any of my homes, over the years. A bug or roach, here or there, I used to live in south Texas and the bugs there are pretty much inescapable, but NEVER a mouse!

I tried using a trap and so far, that has not worked. I tried calling maintenance but that was four days ago and no one has showed up yet. My next move will be to grab one of those mangy cats, that hang around my front door, bring said cat into my house and just hope for the best.

How can we have so many cats around here and yet they can't even keep the mice population down?! Because the residents here keep feeding them Fancy Feast like they are pets! They are not pets! Don't adopt them! I would rather adopt a homeless guy than one of these stupid cats because at least I could get that homeless guy to wash my car in exchange for a Big Mac. I could even reason with an insane homeless man better than I could with a cat. Heck, the homeless man would probably keep the rat population down better than these dumb cats. I would much prefer to adopt a drunk, insane, drifter to any of these cats. I would name my homeless man Mittens because of those adorable, finger-less gloves he always wears. I would take him on walks. He would threaten to shiv anyone who might attack me and I would give him all the Big Macs that his little heart desired!

Sometimes I think we treat our pets better than we treat most humans. Freedom isn't free, cats. Kill a mouse and earn that damn Fancy Feast.

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