Sunday, August 23, 2015
My mom had a good friend in the mid to late 90's who would wake up every morning to go for a 'jog' at 6 am. This man had calves of steel and was very committed to his walk-man and knee high white socks because it was the 90's, after all. I cannot remember the last time I heard the word 'jog'. Apparently, no one jogs anymore. We run.
At some point in the early 2000's 'jogging' was re-branded as 'running'. In the 90's I always envisioned 'jogging' and 'running' as two completely different entities. Jogging was a light trot, if you will, while running was going balls out, if you will. At least, these were the definitions that existed in my mind. Around this time period Tiger Woods was turning golf into front page news and Lance Armstrong made riding a bike thru France a sport that mattered. The wide, wide world of sports was expanding faster than the DVD section at Block Buster. We were starting to root for the underdog sports and the nation was gearing up for the Olympics where running, not jogging, often takes center stage...or track.
There are a few sports that could use some PR help, by way of a marketing reboot. My first submission is cricket. Here is a sport that needs to appeal to American audiences. As a nation, we like our lemonade 'Hard', our music loud and heavy and our sports Xtreme! Crickets might be the least offensive insects next to the lady bug. Jiminy Cricket immediately comes to mind. He sings, he dances and most importantly this beloved Disney arthropod wants you to be a loyal and honest mouseketeer. How about Scorpion in place of the term Cricket? Way more extreme,venomous and not featured on over-priced brick-a-brack at Disney World/Land.
Next up, softball....seriously?! First, you don't let women play baseball then you give them a 'pity' sport and call it SOFTBALL?! This is just archaic and misogynistic. Here's a suggestion, how about 'bigball' because the balls are BIGGER. DEAL WITH IT. These ladies have bigger balls...it's just science.
Finally, tennis. What does that word even mean?! When french royalty decided to create tennis, they also thought they could just make up words too. So, I am giving myself the same liberty and re-naming tennis, 'Dravex', why? I don't know. I'm French royalty and I make the rules PEASANTS!!!