Saturday, January 16, 2016


Food blogs are trending, mommy blogs are trending, this blog is not trending. This blog is not trending because it is neither a 'mommy blog' nor a 'food blog', with that being said, let's talk about food blogs, shall we?

First of all, I hate food blogs. I love the recipes, I love the food but I hate the writing. JUST GIVE ME A GODDAMN INGREDIENTS LIST. No, these writers force you to scroll thru miles of paragraphs about what kind of foods the family likes/dislikes, how the recipe was created, whether or not this recipe is considered party food, weeknight meals, blah, blah, blah. I don't care about your stupid family (because I am a terrible person), or that your grandma created the dish back in the 1950's and you've just tweaked it (I don't care about your dead grandma, because I am a terrible person) I don't need someone telling me if something is party food or not. You know what constitutes party food? Hosting a party and putting food out, that food is now party food because it is food at a party. That is the very definition of party food. I am so hungry, why am I reading about your day to day life when I could be at the grocery store buying things from an INGREDIENTS LIST.

Secondly, the pictures are just plain asinine. I know how to boil potatoes; I don't need a picture of potatoes boiling. I know how to chop shit. I don't need a photo of your hands chopping shit. I NEED AN INGREDIENTS LIST and I am still scrolling thru the endless amounts of bullshit. At this point, I am just so hungry that I have already ordered pizza but I can't wait long enough for the pizza guy to arrive so I have started to concoct an ungodly meal based on the desolate wasteland also known as my pantry. This God forsaken fuel is a combination of orange tic-tacs, stale flour tortillas, Craisins and a package of Big League Chew. You did this to me food blog! (you did this to me). Sometimes I do care about the bloggers life and those are the times that I will sit in my pajamas/work-out clothes and watch your show. If I visit your blog, it is solely for sustenance purposes.

Lastly, if you tell me to 're-hydrate' something like say raisins, here is what happens to my brain.
 (DIE HARD 2 LEVEL EXPLOSIONS USING C-4!!!!) Because you know what 're-hydrated' raisins are? GRAPES!!! Re-hydrated prunes? PLUMS! Re-hydrated porcini mushrooms? FUCKING MUSHROOMS! Luckily, non of this angers me and I stay totally calm and rational and I don't eat an entire of box of Ritz crackers and Nutella beause that's all that's left in my house. Nope. That would be highly irrational.

1 comment:

  1. thaaaank you, I thought I was maybe the only one and thus maybe an impatient uncaring person for resentfully scrolling through an author's life story and 63 pictures just to get some ingredients and directions.

    I tried to do it differently on my food blog. If you have a sec and are feeling charitable with you time, could you let me know if you think I'm doing it right? thanks