Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Explorers' Club

Smoking cigars, surrounded by leather furniture in an atmosphere of thick storytelling has been a dream of mine for quite some time. When I was 6, my dream was to become a unicorn, sadly that dream never came to fruition but becoming a member of the Explorers Club is a fantasy which is actually within reach.

In order to become a member of this prestigious group there are several requirements. First and foremost you need to be more than just a tourist; so unfortunately, I can't put my trip to Dollywood on my application. You must have been an active participant in at least 2 scientific expeditions. Lucky for me, I plan on going on an archaeological dig in Israel and, even more lucky, I have 2 community college credits in BOTH archaeology AND astronomical geology. BOOM! Pretty much an expert at this point. In addition, I have seen ALL the Indiana Jones movies including the terrible 'Crystal Skull' installment of the franchise. I still need to work on my whip technique and (people tell me) that I have an atrocious American accent when I speak Hindi and Bengali.

This club doesn't initiate poor people either. You have to pay dues, which are pretty steep. I guess they just want to keep the riff raff, of the scientific community, out of the club. Can't have a bunch of Dr. Zoidbergs running around. This poses an immediate hindrance to me seeing as I am 'poor'. There is currently no medical cure for 'poor' but I have faith in the medical community. There should really be more 5k's raising money for the cure to 'poor'. Every dollar helps.

Not quite sure how I should conduct my second scientific expedition though? I imagine that I might have to leave the couch and put pants on, which could create a problem. Also, why does "field work" require so many pants? It's like, I'm in the FIELD dude! No one knows if I was wearing pants or not so just chill out. When Jonas Edward Salk created the cure for polio did anyone ask him if he was wearing pants at the time? NO! (Ok, pants rant over) Maybe I should start out small. Like, I really need to explore the dollar menu more at Wendy's. I mean, don't you want to know which side item will pair best with a small frosty and chili? I am conducting this research for you, really. This is for science people.

What are some other Value Menu's, err...I mean "expedition sites" that I should explore? Leave your ideas in the comments and let's explore together!

1 comment:

  1. Maybe the dented can collection at BigLots? Or the discounted XBox games and old phone cases featued on the endcap at Target? Both speak to the state of the economy and societal change.