Monday, July 1, 2013

Work to Live/ Live to Laugh

I am applying for jobs that I am not qualified for; that is to say, I am not qualified to scrub toilets. I have a liberal arts degree which means nothing to no one. Since I am spending so much time on useless job applications I have decided to use this opportunity as a platform for humor.

Under the "Skills" section of most applications I will now add: excellent comedic timing, beat-boxing enthusiast, epic guitar solos and great fake accents in addition to Microsoft Office.

Under the "previous employment" section: Racketeering, Boot-leg Alcohol Industry, Erotic Cakes Inc. and J.D. Power and Associates

Under the "Education" section: Rawanda's Beauty School, ECPI University-Mechatronics, Paint Your Own Pottery Class!

Under "References": Lady Diana Spencer (deceased), Jim "Hobo-Baggins" DeLau (location unknown) and Professor Snape (Hogwarts University)

Under "Languages": Spanglish, Human, Namekian and sarcastic

My cover letter will consist of the 1977 "Love Gun" album by KISS and signed by Gene Simmons

I feel like we've got a winner on our hands here.

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