Monday, June 23, 2014

The Ocean Just Got It's Period (And Is Becoming a Filthy Whore)

Have you ever seen ads for keeping our ocean's clean? It's always a picture of some ocean fowl with it's neck stuck in one of those soda can 6-pack rings or a sea turtle struggling to swim through a used volley ball net. This kind of imagery doesn't really affect me. 1: Because I am a terrible person. 2: Because I am lazy and I'm not gonna go roaming through my house on a futile search for scissors to cut through those soda can rings. 3: I have A.D.D and I will probably forget about this ad within 23 seconds.

What does affect me? Swimming in the ocean, when suddenly, a used tampon string tickles my ankle as it struggles through the sea seeking the landfill, that it should have been placed in, from the start. Either, the ocean just got it's period at the ripe old age of 4 billion years old or (more likely story) some disgusting, scum of the earth, ass hole threw their used tampon into the sea and yelled, "Go back from whence ye came!!!" Forget about all the genocide that goes on in the world. All military forces should unite in finding this sub-human and exterminating them with extreme prejudice.

If save the ocean ads showed pictures of beautiful Rio de Janeiro, Copacabana Beach, Miami Beach, the French Riviera, the Hawaiian Islands all inundated with used tampons, condoms and underwear I have no doubt that the oceans, rivers and lakes of the world would be cleaned up within a matter of months. These are the real terrorists, people. Disgusting ass holes, on their periods.


  1. Gross, gross, gross! That's an image that would mobilize people

    1. I need to make a heart-wrenching (possible black and white) youtube video. Also, slow motion because slow motion.