Tuesday, July 1, 2014

$30 Flights and Other Mythical Creatures

People are constantly telling me how cheap travel in Europe is and those people are full of doo doo. Travel in Europe IS cheap if you are willing to whore yourself across the continent and I'm all outta tricks people.  I'm always hearing about $30 plane flights to all of these amazing places. When I go to book my flight I end up paying $800. If I tell people how much I paid for my plane tickets I immediately receive scoffs, "What?! I only paid $100 for that same flight?! Why didn't you go to X or Y website to book?!" Umm, I did go to those websites and they do have cheap flights IF you want to fly out of someplace that is 4 hours away from your local airport, at 3 AM., fly for 12 hours with an 8 hour layover in a town you have never even heard of and then you would have to immediately fly back the next day. Those are the only $30 flights that exist.  If I did receive a $30 plane ticket, that should have been $800, I would just assume that that plane would take me to the island from LOST and I am not about that.

Other lies:
"I made $500 in tips last night, as a waitress, at Applebee's"
"Santa Claus"
"The Toothe Fairy"
"You can't put a price on education!" (Yes, yes you can and it's too damn high)
"There are other fish in the sea." (Gross, who wants to date a fish, sick)
"The Easter Bunny"
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"
"You can write off your gas on your taxes"
"I was upgraded to first class for free!"

Other mythical creatures:
Non-stop flights
Comfortable airline seats
Babies that don't cry
...or poop
Husbands who HATE sports

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