Monday, August 4, 2014

Straight to Torrent

I recently watched a "film" on Netflix entitled Solomon Kane. This movie was awesome in the same sense that Alien Vs. Predator was awesome. You won't learn anything, grow as a human being or be inspired by the artistry of cinema but dammit if you aren't gonna see a leathery pirate beat the shit outta some demons!

Solomon Kane is a B movie but what is a B movie? How do such films come to B? (pun intended) Who is the target audience for shitty movies? I want to know what the studio pitch for this film was. "Ok guys, let's get someone who kinda looks like Hugh Jackman but doesn't cost what Hugh Jackman costs and then let's get him to fight some demons in 15th century England and oh yeah, well we blew the budget on the Hugh Jackman look alike so let's just throw some video game level CGI over the whole thing? Sound good?" Clearly, the studio KNOWS this movie is going straight to video/DVD/Netflix, right? Netflix is riddled with "films" I have never heard of and yet some asshole out there is giving them all 5 star ratings. I think the studio execs who produce this fodder are just trolling Netflix and giving their "films" excellent ratings.

I just don't understand how these movies make money? Video stores don't exist anymore. Nobody buys movies anymore and Netflix and Hulu are both super cheap. I think the next step is to skip the "straight to video" and instead just go straight to Torrent. The B movie industry might just B a huge money laundering scheme.


  1. I think Netflix is fluffing their library with this unwatchable crap. They think we're retarded.

  2. True story: after watching Solomon Kane I immediately watched Sky Nazis. I think I have a problem

  3. Sky Nazis also recieved 5 stars...

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