Sunday, August 17, 2014

WTF is a Wild Berry

Many questions have plagued me through out my life. Do aliens exist? Do "Ancient Aliens" exist? Do "Ancient Aliens" only exist on the "History Channel"? Is there a God? Is He a slob just like one of us? Why can't I stop quoting song lyrics? What will tomorrow hold? I hope tomorrow doesn't drop it? Clearly, I am a very deep person...

Recently, I have been searching every book on botany known to man to find out just what the EFF a wild berry is and, for that matter, blue raspberries?!!!!!!!!! Don't even get me started.

Aren't all berries "technically" WILD berries? Who are these sophisticated, well-read, berries about town? Who do they think they are?! Calling all other berries WILD berries. I'm pretty sure that's botanically profiling. Which is not cool. Not cool.

I do not want a wild berry smoothie, a wild berry Jolly Rancher or a wild berry muffin because, I am almost certain that "wild berry" is just code for high fructose corn syrup engulfed by red dye #40 and soaking in saturated fats. SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

I won't be eating any wild berries until I can pick one off of an actual tree or vine? Well, wherever the hell a wild berry would grow.

No comments:

Post a Comment