Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Can I Be Your Familiar?
Forgive and Forget. This is something that I struggle with because, even though I can't seem to remember any of the SAT words or where I placed my keys, I can still remember everyone who owes me money and anyone who has ever wronged me.
I desperately need one of two things in my life right now, either, a vampire who can erase my memory and make me believe that I am a starting forward for the Pacers (I don't actually know what any of those words mean, I just put a bunch of sports words together so, feel free to correct me) OR that device from Men in Black that could permanently erase your memory. Either way, both methods would only be required to erase catty bullshit that women say to other women or write in text message or post on Facebook...because that's how petty I am. Hopefully, I would get a hot vampire to erase my mind or a young Will Smith to cancel those brain waves but I'm not picky.
Forgiving the repentant is easy but forgiving someone who is an asshole is another thing altogether. For this incredible feat, I would definitely require mythical or fantastical intervention. I can't do this on my own. I NEED YOU WILL SMITH!!! I never thought I would need Will Smith so badly. Wait! What if, now stay with me here, what if, Will Smith (From MIB) were also a vampire?!!!! OMG I would be able to forget SO MUCH!!!
Ok, I will have my people get with Big Willy's people and see if he is interested in turning to the night as a permanent lifestyle choice. Then, I will become his PR person and together we will build a self-help empire based around memory loss! Or, women could just stop being bitches so that other women don't have to get their brains wiped clean from vampire, MIB, Will Smith. Do you see how confusing that could get? Seriously, just be nice to people, don't gossip and I promise you that vampire, MIB, Will Smith won't eat your brains. Jeez.