Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Drugs Are Expensive

Cross fit gyms cost on average twice the monthly rate that a normal people gym does...whay?! It's just an industrial building with no heat or AC, no pool, no basketball courts or personal trainers and no employees. It's just a bunch of tetanus covered refuse found in a junk yard and then thrown into a warehouse. Here ya go! Here's an old tire, lift it. Here are some heavy frayed ropes, shake them. Here are some bricks, also lift them. Now, give us $125. Also, we don't have towels or water. Thank you, come again!

I'm thinking about opening up my own Cross fit gym in the old abandoned Albertson's grocery store by my parents house. Overhead seems pretty low.

Rent= free, cuz I straight stole the place
Employees= also straight free because I either don't need any OR I will start hiring the hobos who already live in the Albertsons's
Utilities= None, bring your own shit! What? Does this LOOK like a Gold's Gym to you?
Machines/Exercise Equipment= Luckily, Albertsons left some of their crap behind so people can just lift old refrigerators, push deep freezers around and toss dilapidated cash registers back and forth

What will THIS Cross fit gym offer that others can't? You ask? Mostly drugs. Many other exercise facilities would frown upon steroid use and other performance enhancing drugs. Here at Albertson's Cross Fit we still have a "somewhat" stocked pharmacy and plenty of lock cutters. Our homeless employees will be your personal pushers of fitness glory!

I foresee this gym ending in a "Breaking Bad" type scenario but not before Albertson's sues over defamation of character. Maybe this is exactly why all other Cross fit gyms are so expensive? They need to pay off the feds, be able to afford great defense attorneys and obviously, buy drugs. Drugs are expensive.

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