Saturday, July 30, 2011

The McQueen Bee

"Animals have two purposes in this world: to taste good and fit well" -Greg Proops

I sometimes think that we humans treat our pets and other animals better than we do ourselves. We give our pets clothing (ugh) food a roof over their heads and we literally ask for nothing in return. Now, I know what you're thinking. We get their love and affection right? I have one word for you 'cats'. Cats don't give a f*ck about you and neither do birds, lizards or amphibians for that matter. The only pet that we do get a little bit of affection and fun from are dogs; the same might be true for horses too but who can afford a horse also; they don't fit in urban efficiency apartments or else I would have one.

If I lived in my parents house till I was thirty, never went to school and never had a job my parents probably would have kicked me out and disowned me however; we let all this behavior slide with our pets. Again, I know what you're thinking. They can't go to school or get a job so what do you expect? Well they could at least herd some sheep, guard the house; you know dog stuff.

I recently watched a program about a tame cheetah being released into the wilds of Africa. I don't even want to think about how many man hours and money that was spent on this operation. And until recently, all their efforts have been unsuccessful. In order to transport this cheetah safely and with low stress they gave it a tranquilizer for the plane ride. I reeeeaaally wish someone would shoot me with a tranquilizer gun before long flights. I mean I always say that those flights might kill me but I'm not a cheetah so my life is less important and no one believes me.

In hindsight, I think we treat animals the way we do because well...we eat them and we secretly feel bad. I might not be able to get tranquilizers but at least no one is trying to eat me...I think.

P.S. did I mention that famed fashion designer Alexander McQueen recently left an animal shelter 100,000 euros in his will? I could deal with someone trying to eat me or dressing me in a tutu for that kind of cash. But then again, I'm a horrible person.

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