Monday, August 22, 2011

Travel Tips for The $50,000 in Debt Traveler!

Should I pay back my student loans? Pay off my wedding? Pay off my credit cards? Nope, I should travel the world on an empty wallet and a pocket full of broken dreams! And, I'll show you how I did it!

1. Drinking: Ok this gets expensive but it is necessary when trying to forget about your useless degree and lost youth.
TIP: Me and my husband often pretend to be either single or gay on most outings. This allows other "singles" to buy us drinks at bars and clubs. They get fascinating conversation and we get a gentle buzz.

2. Hotels: If you can stay at a friends house or a long lost relatives house that is best but if you have no family (like myself) just follow these instructions
TIP: Ask for the cheapest room available but in the message box write either "honeymoon" or "anniversary". The hotel WILL upgrade you.

3.Food: Ramen noodles? Nope, that's for poor people. I'm not poor just cheap.
TIP: Split an entree with your friend, spouse or male escort (I'm not judging) also, find a place that offers free bread or chips. Then, tell the waiter that it is either your first time at said restaurant or that it is your b-day. You will likely receive a free app or dessert. Also, don't feel bad these are the same people that would have charged you $7 for a cupcake.

4: Entertainment: Ride the subway it usually only costs a few bucks. What do you get?
TIP: Fine conversation ex. Troupe of whores, "I told you I don't have no yeast infection! and even I did it ain't no disease! I mean, you can't even get that from ridin' a strap?!" You can't make that up people.

5: School
TIP: No matter what you do in life NEVER throw away a school I.D. Most museums, movie theatres, concert halls and even book stores will give you a significant student discount and there is no way for them to tell whether or not you are an active student. Also, don't feel bad. You've paid $40,000 for your shitty degree so they shouldn't begrudge a %10 discount at a national monument.

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