Saturday, December 6, 2014
Christmas, It's the Gayest Time of Year
'Tis the season to be merry and gay! I always knew that Christmas was fabulous but just how fabulous? I had no clue.
Many of us dress in drag for one night a year on Halloween but at Christmas time, most men get a month long holiday full of flashy cocktails, dinner parties, bow ties and Michael Buble.
Yesterday, I was doing some Christmas shopping and as I was standing in line at the check out counter I noticed a large, middle aged male in front of me purchasing perfume by Nikki Minaj (God only knows what that smells like) a gift collection of lotions from Victoria Secret and a box of Godiva chocolates. Any other time of the year this gentleman would have had to make a qualifying statement to go along with his most feminine of purchases, "It's for my girlfriend! The woman I have sex with! Because I am not gay! Not that there is anything wrong with that!" (I thought I would get you something nice for Christmas, so enjoy your Seinfeld quote)
Christmas time is the only time of year when men can unapologetically purchase almost anything! A pink hand gun? Why not. Tiny shorts that say, "Juicy" on the bum? Sure. A rabbit vibrator? Absolutely! The new One Direction album? It's NOT for my daughter, it's for ME!
I then realized that I asked my husband to buy me People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue because it had Chris Hemsworth on the cover. I also asked him to get me plenty of candy. Only Christmas morning will tell if he bought me these audacious items but if he did, I am sure that he looked like a man on his period buying these gifts. Next time I will be sure to sweeten the deal with tampons and the box set of Sex and the City.
This holiday season let your freak flag fly, dudes! Buy the soundtrack to Frozen, that you secretly love. Pamper yourself with a gift certificate to a spa and then fulfill it by yourself in January! Indulge in a pint of your favorite ice cream. No one will be the wiser! Except maybe for that tattle tail Elf on the Shelf...damn that thing is creepy.
Men buying gay things like nikki minaj perfume, victoria secret body lotions, chris hemsworth sexy man alive people magazine they might be on their periods