Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Things You Don't Need, Christmas Edition
The Art of Shaving or as I like to call it, "The Art of Setting my Money on Fire" might be the most over-priced new product to hit the market of men's grooming. How have men been shaving, all these millenia, with out $100 razors and sandalwood scented shave cream? Do you really want your face to smell like wood? Now every wife/girlfriend/gaylover/blowupdoll knows what it would be like to make-out with Pinocchio.
Did you know that shaving is an art form?! Shaving now stands alongside other great minds of our time such as Michelangelo, Beethoven, Gaudi, Frank Gehry and Andy Warhol. Your local postal worker, who shaves his balls every morning, is now an artisan. He is a true craftsman who requires only the finest of stainless steel, made in China, razor blades to create his sunrise ball art masterpiece. Can we really put a price on such an instrument as a men's razor handle or the wax that he requires to make a delicate foo man shoo or pornstache? Is porn stache one word or two?
Apparently, the brushes that are used to apply the shave cream are made from badger hair. The last time I saw a badger it was roadkill. You are paying $100 for roadkill. You are putting roadkill on your face and/or balls. True elegance.
Let me suggest next year's over-priced, ordinary object but reinvented with more dollar signs fad.
It's called, "The Glory of Brushing". Experience dental care in a whole new and luxurious way! Don't simply brush your teeth but rather, message them with chinchilla bristles and a Brazilian rosewood handle that is ergonomically designed for pleasure and durability. Your new dental kit comes with a lavender and sage tooth conditioner and an ivory travel case. You will definitely want to travel with this masterpiece of design so that those around you know that your teeth are better than theirs.