Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Deutschland and Other Mythical Places

I am heading off to Germany tomorrow, so no posts whilst in the land of Grimm my friends! Germany has always seemed to exist in another plane of existence, to me. It is the Asgard of Europe. The land of castles, fairy tales, dirndls, lederhosen and beers the size of your face! (And I have a big face)

As Americans, we love to boast about all of our freedoms but in Germany you get a whole new set of "freedoms". You can drive at break-neck speeds on the autobahn without a cop in sight! Suck it NASCAR!!! Open container laws? I don't even think there are words for that last phrase in German. You can party till the sun comes up, literally. My hungover eyes saw the sun one too many times while there.

America has some pretty great freedoms too though, like speech and what not but I think our two great societies should meet somewhere in the middle. For instance, if beer stands were located right outside voting booths, in America, A LOT more people would vote. If we sent real criminals (like K$sha) to jail instead of ticketing people who are going 5 miles over the speed limit then our society would have a lot less crime and I could finally get to the voting booth on time WITH time leftover for a frosty stein of beer. Public transportation would also be nice because, as it turns out, the PUBLIC really likes to TRANSPORT themselves to, like, work...and stuff. Lastly, if I could party all night long then I would not be forced to come home at an hour in which the only programming left on cable TV is re-run after re-run of Three's Company. THE HORROR.

Let's be friends Germany, maybe not lover's (It's not you, it's me) but really good beer drinking buddies.

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