Monday, April 4, 2016

Only Stupid People Have a lot of Friends

I recently read one of those lame Buzzfeed articles titled, "Only Stupid People Have a lot of Friends". I'm not sure if this is factual or not but what I can say is that smart people typically, aren't social butterflies. Why? These people are too busy working, they aren't always religious so they don't have a huge church family to pull friends from, they don't have a lot of hobbies and the hobbies they do have are very solitary like gardening or online gaming. Many of these people don't even have kids or they only have one, low-maintenance, child. Many of my most intellectual friends also suffer from social anxiety so they tend to stay home with their cats....I mean, I mean cats.

I've always wanted a lot of friends yet the mere thought of this is just too daunting. I think what I want is to be wanted. I don't really want to go to your baby shower, or shopping. I don't want to go to your church, or your Pampered Chef party. However, I want to be invited to your baby shower and shopping trips. I want to be invited to your church this Sunday and the ensuing Pampered Chef party.

Pretty sure I just described the average celebrity. Why haven't I become famous yet? I want millions of adoring fans and creative friends who invite me to weird functions and art galleries and who will continue to invite me long after my perpetual truancy. Wouldn't it be rad to sit at home with my glass of wine, watching Netflix all while knowing that others are incredibly saddened by my absence? That is my selfish dream. WORSHIP ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

The internet is so great, because no matter what your belief system is, you can find at least 10 articles or "experts" who corroborate your faith. You can visit websites that only agree with you and support you no matter how dumb you are. So for now, without scientific consideration or an altruistic attitude, I will assume that only stupid people have a lot of friends. Because why not? Others get the joy of ignoring global warming, vaccines and voting for Donald Trump so why can't I believe in something that is unvetted and totally stupid? I want to be on the stupid train too. Toot, Toot! All aboard the Stupid Train, next stop VapidVille, full of friends, full of faith and best of all, low on public broadcasting!


  1. As is the way of the magical Internet, I'm not sure which of my "open link in new tab" links brought me here but I'm glad I found you. I'm subscribing!

  2. Thanks Mint Tea and Elephants! Now we can believe in stupid things together! Huzzah!

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