Tuesday, April 15, 2014
This Seems like a Terrible Idea
With this being said, I would never want a "Rock Star Weekend" because I'm not quite sure if my body or my scruples would survive it. I imagine that I would play a 2 hour long show preceded by a 1 hour rehearsal and sound check. After my work was over, I would be drenched in sweat and bed, bath and beyond tired. The rest is really just a blur but what the authorities have said is this: They found me face down in a pile of cocaine and my own vomit and possibly the drummer's vomit, as well. I was wearing smeared make-up, roller skates and a unitard (much like that of Freddie Mercury fame). Lying next to me was 3 bottles of Grey Goose vodka, 2 bottles of champagne, a rare albino spider monkey and a very naked Bill Nye the Science Guy. (Hey, this is my fake police report from my fake rock star weekend so maybe I am BFF's with Bill Nye...don't question it!)
Anyways, this sounds just awful! I would need another weekend just to recover from my "Rock Star" one. Perhaps a "65 Year Old Retired Millionaire Weekend", that sounds relaxing, sipping a mint julep while someone named Julio waxes my Maserati.