Debtor's Prison, see: Student Loan Debt

Can we please just bring back debtor's prison? I think I would rather do time for 5 years instead of paying on my student loans FOR THE REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE. Having student loan debt feels a lot like prison. Things I cannot do/have because of my crushing debt include but are not limited too:

Owning a home
Having kids (if I wanted them)
Owning a car
Going on vacation
Having a savings account (with more than $5 in it at any given time)
Having a retirement plan
Following my dream of owning a herd of horses so that I can stampede into battle whenever I feel like it
Doing lots and lots of designer drugs
Owning $1,000 shoes that will hurt my feet so bad that I will never actually wear them but I will feel better about myself just KNOWING I own them and that they are in my closet
Following the band Phish around the country in a shady looking VW van and selling beads out the back of said van to pay for all the concert tickets and designer drugs
Owning an expensive hypo-allergenic dog
Pine nuts...ON EVERYTHING
Expensive wine (and by "expensive" I mean $15 wine)
Sun dried tomatoes...ON EVERYTHING
Becoming a world champion polo player/astronaut (I assume these are the activities of those with no student loan debt)

Seriously, I just want to do some hard time for my crime of getting a fine arts degree. I confess. Put the handcuffs on me and take me away!